I Ask You This
by Leijona
Summary: Set at the End-of-Summer beach party in season 3, Peyton remembers her relationship with Nathan. NP friendship. One shot. Complete.


_**Disclaimer**__: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters. _

_**AN**__: Did you know Lexie (Lexie-Rae) put up a great forum thread up for N/P prompts? Well she did and you can find it here - forum. fanfiction. net/topic/107161/59119763/1/ (just take out the spaces).  
><em>_This story is based on the prompt _"Why couldn't you love me the way you love her?"  
><em>I wrote it while traveling today and even though I'm a bit upset that it is such a short story and it's definitely not my best work, I hope you'll like it anyway :) Reviews are appreciated.<em>

_**Summary**__: Set at the End-of-Summer beach party in season 3, Peyton remembers her relationship with Nathan._

_This one's for you, Lexie, because you reminded me of the scary, yet wonderful thing that is first person POV._

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><p>"Hey."<p>

I look up and see Nathan standing in front of me, looking miserable. "Hey," I reply and without asking I grab my cup from the table and hand it to him.

Nathan takes it and rounds the turntable to sit down next to me. "How did you know a drink was just what I needed right now?"

"I saw Haley earlier," I reply, as if that explains it all. But then again, it kind of does.

We are at Brooke's End-of-summer beach party, but neither Nathan nor I are particularly happy to be here. I'm still struggling with the fact that Brooke and Lucas have decided to give their relationship another try, while Nathan is trying to deal with the unexpected return of Haley.

Nathan empties the cup before putting it back on the table, "Yeah. It's all just fucked up, you know?"

"Do you think you guys will be able to work things out?" I ask, although I don't really care about his answer. Or maybe I do, because when Nathan says, "I don't know," there is a weird feeling my stomach that can only be described as jealousy.

In a wave of either melancholy or self-pity I think back to our relationship. To the outsider it might seem that fights and break ups were all there was to it and for a while I agreed with those people. But looking back, I realise that the times in between were good. They had to be; otherwise we wouldn't have gotten back together time after time.

It started out as your typical high school love story, with Nathan as the jock and me as the cheerleader. I remember my first ever cheerleading practice - Brooke had been begging me to join the squad for months on end and in our sophomore year I finally gave in – and the first time I ever saw Nathan. Brooke had just gotten me a set of pompoms and I was trying to figure out how exactly to use them without looking stupid, when I heard shouting from the other end of the gym.

The basketball team always used the gym for practice at the same time as the cheerleading squad and right now a raven-haired boy was telling the others on his team exactly what he thought they were doing wrong. The other boys seemed intimidated by him, with their heads hanging low. I took a step towards Brooke and asked her about him. She rolled her eyes at me for not knowing who he was, and then told me his name was Nathan Scott, _the _most popular guy in school.

I shrugged in return and told her I had never seen nor heard of him before. Brooke informed me that he was in fact in our history and math class, but we both knew that I never really paid much attention to our classmates. It was then she told me she would take me to one of his after-game parties the next time the team had to play and well, the rest is history.

We were together until October of junior year. The fighting had gotten worse and worse over time, and after being on the receiving end of Nathan's frustrations about Lucas joining the basketball team for weeks, I couldn't take it any more. I knew, or rather hoped, that if I'd break up with Nathan he would come to his senses again and we would be all right again.

But then Haley came along.

And at first I wasn't really worried about her. I mean, she was a tutor and not the girl Nathan usually went after during our break ups. I figured he was only after he to get back at Lucas, but then, as time went by, things got more serious between them. He seemed to really care for her and slowly, but surely, Nathan changed into the boyfriend I had always wanted him to be. It told me that he really loved her, something that was confirmed when they married a couple of months later. By that time I couldn't help but feel jealous of Haley and I sort of have ever since.

"Where's your head at?"

Nathan's voice interrupts my thoughts and before I know it the words come out, "Why couldn't you love me the way you love her?" It comes out more as an accusation, rather than the question I intend it to be.

The funny thing is that he doesn't deny that he loves her, even after everything she put him through. I can hear him sigh, "Honestly?"

His question scares me and I immediately think that whatever reason he comes up with has something to do with me. That he blames me for our failed relationship. But I nod, "Yes, honestly."

Nathan rests his elbows on his knees and rubs his hands against each other in an absent manner. He casts a look at me and I try to smile, to let him know that I can handle whatever he is about to say. I can see he takes a deep breath before he speaks again.

"I don't know," he hesitates, but eventually continues, "I wish there was something else I could say, because you deserve better than this, Peyton, but I just don't know."

I nod, knowing that he is telling the truth. And weird as it may be, I don't feel angry or upset, instead I feel relief.

Relief, because I know that back then we really did all we could to keep our relationship going, but in the end, when the good days were outnumbered by the bad, it simply wasn't enough.

**- FIN -**

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><p><em><strong>AN:<strong>__ You can read more about the after-game party Brooke ends up takes Peyton to in my story __**Down In The Past**__, which is my version of how Nathan and Peyton got together :)_


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